


I'm the master of disaster, the best at fearing the worst

by paleredheadinascifi



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anxious David, Boys In Love, Communication, Episode: s05e01 The Crowening, Fluff, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23611702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleredheadinascifi/pseuds/paleredheadinascifi
Summary: “Rose Apothecary, this is Patrick speaking. How may I help you?”“Hey, it’s me.”“David?”“Yes, obviously. Who else would it be?”“Why are you calling the store?”--Or, David calls Patrick with his worries instead of dragging him along to the tree walk in 5x01.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 15
Kudos: 230





	I'm the master of disaster, the best at fearing the worst

“Rose Apothecary, this is Patrick speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“David?”

“Yes, obviously. Who else would it be?”

“Why are you calling the store?”

“To speak to the person at the store?”

“Why didn’t you call my cell?”

“Because you never answer it when you’re on the floor! Do you have any more questions?”

“Is the call business related?”

“If you stopped asking so many questions you’d know by now!”

“So, no, then.”

“ _No._ But I checked the cameras and you’re not busy, so it’s fine.”

“Sorry, you checked the cameras?”

“Yes, remember, I showed you how to link the security cameras to your phone?”

“Yes, David, I know _how_ to check the cameras, but why are you checking the cameras _while_ I’m here?? It feels very nanny-camy.”

“I checked them to see if it was busy before I called you.”

“Have you done this before? How often are you watching me?”

“I’m not watching _you_ , I’m just _checking_ on my store.”

“Okay well we’re gonna talk about this later when I’m not working at _our_ store. What do you need?”

“Okay, so I was flipping through one of Alexis’s magazines and there was this quiz about how electric your relationship is, to see if you’ve like, lost the spark, and we got ‘in need of a generator’ Patrick! That’s not good!”

“I - - _what_?”

“I know!! We’re sparky! We have so many sparks! We’re not…we’re not boring, right?”

“David _._ ”

“And maybe we don’t go _out_ out often but we still do date nights, they’re just couch date nights where you order me pizza. I love it when you order me pizza. How is pizza _not_ sparky??”

“ _David_.”

“I’ve never had a relationship last long enough to worry about the spark dying out, is this how it usually starts? Patrick?? Has pizza doomed our relationship to fail? I need to know what you think because I’ve been going over this in my head for hours and whilst I don’t want you to order me pizza less, I also don’t want us to become a total power failure!”

“Okay, David? Shut up for a second.”

“Well that’s rude.”

“Shh.”

“Okay. Fine.”

“David, what I think is that you’re ridiculous and I love you and I’m not having this conversation over the phone in the middle of work.”

“No! Patrick!”

“David, we’re not sparky. We’re a fireworks display on new years’ eve, the big crescendo part where you feel it in your chest and the whole sky is lit up so bright it looks like it’s the middle of the day.”

“Oh. Well, okay. Good.”

“Yeah, so we’re going to talk about this after work. I’m going order you pizza and then we’re going to talk about ground rules for spying on each other on the security cameras, and then I’m going to take you to bed and the whole time I’m going to be fiercely in love with you and all of our sparks, okay?”

“Um, yep. Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go back to work now.”

“Yep. Oh, can you straighten the scarf display please? The last customer tried them all on and put them back completely wrong.”

“David, how long were you watching!?”

“I was waiting for her to leave so I could call you!”

“I need you to know this isn’t normal.”

“Patrick?”

“David?”

“I’m fiercely in love with you, too.”

“I know. I’ll pick you up after work. Stop spying on me.”

“Don’t forg--”

“The scarves. I’ve got it. I love you. Goodbye.”

“Love you, bye.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'If We All Die Tomorrow' by Tom Rosenthal.
> 
> IDK what this is, okay. IDK.


End file.
